Category Archives: Babylon Bee

The Babylon Bee, America’s newspaper of record.

‘I’m Elon Musk, I’m Here To Rescue You,’ Says Musk While Busting Everyone Out Of Twitter Death Star Detention Level Entertainment April 14th, 2022 – BabylonBee.com ALDERAAN SYSTEM—Elon Musk and a brave band of adventurers snuck aboard the Twitter Death … Continue reading

Posted in 2022, Babylon Bee | Leave a comment

Babylon Bee: January 6th

Miley Cyrus To Perform Halftime Show At Jan. 6 Committee Hearings WASHINGTON, D.C.—The nation is abuzz with anticipation of the televised January 6 Committee hearing making its prime time debut at 8 p.m. ET. To top off the excitement of … Continue reading

Posted in 2022, Babylon Bee | Leave a comment

Babylon Bee: Nasty Newsome.

Gavin Newsom Can’t Understand How He Got COVID When All His Servants Are Masked Politics May 31st, 2022 – BabylonBee.com SACRAMENTO, CA—California governor Gavin Newsom announced he had contracted COVID-19 but, thanks to being vaccinated, quadruple-boosted, and receiving a quintuple … Continue reading

Posted in Babylon Bee, Tongue in Cheek | Leave a comment

Love a good chant at the ball game.

Aides Quickly Drag President Away As He Tries To Join In ‘F*** Joe Biden’ Chant Sports October 6th, 2021 – BabylonBee.com 39.4kShares 10.1kSHARE 9.2kSHARE SHARE WASHINGTON, D.C.—President Biden took a much-needed break from his 4-hour workdays and late-night Matlock binges … Continue reading

Posted in 2021, Babylon Bee | Leave a comment

Putting in all on the card.

Biden Says We Can Afford $3.5T Bill Because China Just Gave Him This Cool New Visa Card With A Low Introductory Rate Politics September 27th, 2021 – BabylonBee.com 19.4kShares 5kSHARE 4.5kSHARE SHARE WASHINGTON, D.C.—Biden promoted his record-breaking $3.5 trillion spending … Continue reading

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Bar codes for Congress.

The Babylon Bee @TheBabylonBee Congress Members To Wear Barcodes So Lobbyists Can Scan Prices, Self-Checkout Congress Members To Wear Barcodes So Lobbyists Can Scan Prices, Self-Checkout WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a move to make purchasing congresspeople easier and faster for … Continue reading

Posted in 2020, Babylon Bee, Deep State, Funny | Leave a comment

Schooled.

Teachers Unions Promise School Will Resume As Soon As The Teachers Are Done Campaigning For Biden U.S.—Facing growing frustration from parents over prolonged school closures, the American Federation of Teachers has released a statement promising school will resume just as … Continue reading

Posted in 2020, All the News not fit to print., Babylon Bee, Deep State, Education | 1 Comment

File this under, “About Fucking Time!”

Trump Takes Decisive Action Against Antifa Thugs as Riots Spread Across America On Sunday, after days of rioting, looting, and arson in cities across America following protests over the horrific death of George Floyd at the hands of police officers, … Continue reading

Posted in 2020, Babylon Bee, Fuck Socialism, President Trump, When Progressives Attack, Winning | 2 Comments

Politics Biden Campaign Hires Interpreter To Translate His Speeches Into English

U.S.—The Biden campaign is facing a real communication problem as Joe Biden’s speeches are growing more and more nonsensical. In order to overcome this challenge, aides have hired an interpreter to translate everything he says into normal, human-style English. “My … Continue reading

Posted in 2020, Babylon Bee, Can't fix Stupid, Guest | Leave a comment

Uh Oh!

Uh-Oh: Wuhan Lab Changes Sign To ‘0 Days Since Accidentally Releasing A Virus’ April 16th, 2020 WUHAN—In an alarming turn of events, workers at a Wuhan research lab were seen adjusting a sign that read “92 Days Since Accidentally Releasing … Continue reading

Posted in 2020, Babylon Bee, China, Tongue in Cheek | 1 Comment