Category Archives: Babylon Bee

Schooled.

Teachers Unions Promise School Will Resume As Soon As The Teachers Are Done Campaigning For Biden U.S.—Facing growing frustration from parents over prolonged school closures, the American Federation of Teachers has released a statement promising school will resume just as … Continue reading

Posted in 2020, All the News not fit to print., Babylon Bee, Deep State, Education | 1 Comment

File this under, “About Fucking Time!”

Trump Takes Decisive Action Against Antifa Thugs as Riots Spread Across America On Sunday, after days of rioting, looting, and arson in cities across America following protests over the horrific death of George Floyd at the hands of police officers, … Continue reading

Posted in 2020, Babylon Bee, Fuck Socialism, President Trump, When Progressives Attack, Winning | 2 Comments

Politics Biden Campaign Hires Interpreter To Translate His Speeches Into English

U.S.—The Biden campaign is facing a real communication problem as Joe Biden’s speeches are growing more and more nonsensical. In order to overcome this challenge, aides have hired an interpreter to translate everything he says into normal, human-style English. “My … Continue reading

Posted in 2020, Babylon Bee, Can't fix Stupid, Guest | Leave a comment

Uh Oh!

Uh-Oh: Wuhan Lab Changes Sign To ‘0 Days Since Accidentally Releasing A Virus’ April 16th, 2020 WUHAN—In an alarming turn of events, workers at a Wuhan research lab were seen adjusting a sign that read “92 Days Since Accidentally Releasing … Continue reading

Posted in 2020, Babylon Bee, China, Tongue in Cheek | 1 Comment

Revenge of the Nerds?

Nation’s Nerds Wake Up In Utopia Where Everyone Stays Inside, Sports Are Canceled, Social Interaction Forbidden U.S.—The nation’s nerds woke up in a utopia this morning, one where everyone stays inside, sporting events are being canceled, and all social interaction … Continue reading

Posted in 2020, Babylon Bee, Tongue in Cheek | Leave a comment

True ‘Dat!

The Babylon Bee Warning: Gang Of Known Criminals Holds Meeting To Discuss How Much Of Your Money To Steal Warning: Gang Of Known Criminals Holds Meeting To Discuss How Much Of Your Money To Steal DES MOINES, IA—Authorities are warning … Continue reading

Posted in 2020, Babylon Bee | Leave a comment

Good news!

In Major Deal, The Babylon Bee Purchases Competing Satire Site CNN January 25th, 2020 U.S.—The Babylon Bee has been the world’s best satire site for thousands of years, spawning dozens of secular knock-offs that just aren’t quite as good. The … Continue reading

Posted in All the News not fit to print., Babylon Bee, Funny | Leave a comment

Is there anything He can’t do?

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New ‘Trans’ record!

Motorcyclist Who Identifies As Bicyclist Sets Cycling World Record October 25th, 2019 NEW YORK, NY—In an inspiring story from the world of professional cycling, a motorcyclist who identifies as a bicyclist has crushed all the regular bicyclists, setting an unbelievable world … Continue reading

Posted in All the News not fit to print., Babylon Bee | Leave a comment

Fallout from Trump abandonment of Syria

ABC News Airs Authentic Footage Of 164-Foot-Tall Godzilla Rampaging Through Syria NEW YORK, NY—ABC News has been praised as a bastion of journalistic integrity and in-depth reporting after being the first ones to air authentic footage of a 164-foot-tall radioactive … Continue reading

Posted in Babylon Bee, Tongue in Cheek | Leave a comment