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The Babylon Bee

Warning: Gang Of Known Criminals Holds Meeting To Discuss How Much Of Your Money To Steal

Warning: Gang Of Known Criminals Holds Meeting To Discuss How Much Of Your Money To Steal
DES MOINES, IA—Authorities are warning that a gang of known criminals is currently holding a meeting to debate various plots to steal your money.The criminals are debating exactly how much of your…
Posted in 2020, Babylon Bee | Leave a comment

Quote of the Day: Ann Coulter, Boy Scouts bankrupt.

“Congratulations, Democrats, The New York Times and corporate America. (I hope all their future employees steal from them, after being raised on “Grand Theft Auto” instead of the Boy Scout oath.)”

Posted in All the News not fit to print., Deviancy, Fuck Obama, Law-Fare, Quote of the Day, When Progressives Attack | Leave a comment

“Farmer Mike”

Bloomberg: ‘Anybody [Can] Be a Farmer,’ It Takes ‘A Lot More Gray Matter’ To Work In Tech

It’s no wonder he chose to skip the Iowa caucus, given that former NYC Mayor Mike Bloomberg apparently thinks farmers and manufacturers all across America lack “gray matter.”

In a clip just now circulating online, Bloomberg, while speaking at Oxford’s Said Business School back in 2016, explained that “anybody [can] be a farmer,” but that it takes “a lot more gray matter” to “think and analyze” enough to work in the tech field.

“I could teach anybody – even people in this room, no offense intended – to be a farmer,” Bloomberg explained. “It’s a process. You dig a hole, you put a seed in, you put dirt on top, add water, up comes the corn. You could learn that.”

Bloomberg then switched to insulting manufacturers and tradesmen.

(From the comments) This gem; “As a politician I’m surprised he left out the crucial fourth step, spread manure… God Knows, he generates enough of it every time he opens his mouth!”

Posted in 2020, All the News not fit to print., Can't fix Stupid, Tongue in Cheek | 1 Comment

Suck it, ATF!

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How did we get here?

Recidivist Thief Brags on Camera That He Steals $200-$300 Per Day From White “Crackers,” Boasts That NYC’s New “Bail Reform” Means “You Can’t Touch Me! I Can’t Be Stopped!”


The new law prohibits criminal courts in the state from setting bail for most misdemeanors and nonviolent felonies, meaning petty criminals like Barry get promptly released from jail after each arrest.

FOX News:

I hear more and more normies saying the words that should make the government white with panic:

“Why are we even bothering to pay taxes?”

And they don’t mean that rhetorically. They’re beginning to wonder what they’re getting for their money, and wondering if they shouldn’t #Cancel the US government.

Once a critical mass of people decides to start protesting the government through refusal to pay taxes — and a critical mass of citizens decides not to convict the people not paying taxes — that’s a rap for the Woke Phase of the United States Government.

Posted in 2020, All the News not fit to print., Can't fix Stupid, Cranky, Time to talk a little treason | Leave a comment

That’s! How they do it!

The tree of liberty is getting mighty thirsty.

Longtime Republican politico K.T. McFarland said in a radio interview Wednesday that Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s team pressured her for “20, 30, 40 hours of hell” to either cop a plea or implicate other Trump associates in crimes, even though she didn’t think she or they did anything wrong.McFarland, who served a four-month stint under Trump’s short-lived national security adviser Michael Flynn, was ensnared in Mueller’s dragnet after leaving the administration in May 2017.

She described the “trauma” she experienced at the hands of Mueller’s interrogators in November of 2017, during an interview on WMAL radio in Washington DC.

…”When the Mueller people came knocking at my door, they started quizzing me on stuff that I didn’t have access to and didn’t remember 100 percent accurately, and it allowed them to say, ‘well you must be lying then,'”McFarland told WMAL hosts Vince Coglianese and Mary Walter.

Walter asked McFarland why she wasn’t in the same position as Flynn, who ended up pleading guilty to a crime he didn’t commit (after Mueller threatened to bring criminal charges against his son). She replied: “because I didn’t break.”

“They gave me the distinct impression after… 20, 30, 40 hours of hell that they wanted me to either plead guilty to a crime I didn’t feel I committed, or to talk about other people having done things that I didn’t think they had done,” she explained.

Absolutely no difference whatsoever between a KGB or Gestapo interrogation (other than actual torture) and how the biased FBI and Congressional witchhunters conduct their ‘investigations’.   It’s why I maintain that the FBI is beyond reform or repair; close it down, fire everyone and ban them from working in Law Enforcement again for the rest of their life.

Posted in All the News not fit to print., Deep State, FBI crime family, Law-Fare, When Progressives Attack | Leave a comment

It’s a thought.

Posted in All the News not fit to print., Blogbits, Deviancy, Tongue in Cheek | Leave a comment

Doesn’t surprise me.

Hackers stuck a 2-inch strip of tape on a 35mph speed sign and successfully tricked 2 Teslas into accelerating to 85mph. (no link, AD blocking-blocking site)

Most roads that are posted for slower speeds are quite obviously (to the human driver) not “ready for highway speeds”.  If I were on the local state road, straight enough but with frequent side streets and store parking lots, and I saw a speed limit sign that ‘seemed’ to indicate it was a 85mph stretch of road; my first impulse would not be to ‘floor it’.

I guess the software designers haven’t figured out how to code for ‘common sense’ yet.

I’m not holding my breath.

Posted in 2020, All the News not fit to print., Blogbits, Tech | Leave a comment

DC Sniper to be released by Virginia Governor?

Horowitz: Virginia Gov. Northam to sign bill releasing hundreds of juvenile murder convicts

On Monday, Virginia’s Senate passed HB35, which offers early release to juveniles serving a life sentence without parole once they have already served 20 years. This is a growing trend in a lot of liberal states, but a number of Republicans have bought into this radical idea of retroactively abolishing life without parole for juvenile murderers. This bill will potentially offer release for over 700 people sentenced to life as juveniles


The infamous D.C. sniper, Lee Boyd Malvo, who, along with his older partner, killed 17 and injured 10 in 2002 in the D.C. area, is an example of who is serving life without parole in Virginia as a juvenile convict.

The unspoken argument in favor of the Death Penalty is the fear that by sparing the life of a killer, in favor of (the promise of) the surety of Life Imprisonment, that somewhere down the road a cocksure, “compassionate” Liberal will secure their release anyway.  Without a concern for the subsequent fear, pain and suffering of their future victims.

Lee Boyd Malvo will be out in 2022 having served his twenty years in prison.


Posted in All the News not fit to print., Crime, When Progressives Attack | Leave a comment