Paper of record, Babylon Bee.

Saudi Arabia Closes Down New Chick-Fil-A Location For Disappointing Lack Of Homophobia

RIYADH—Chick-fil-A executives were delighted when Riyadh development authorities invited the restaurant to open a new location in the city. They love serving delicious chicken sandwiches and spreading Chick-fil-A cheer wherever they’re invited, even if they disagree with the worldviews, religions, and lifestyles of certain areas.

Unknown to them, however, Saudi Arabia only asked Chick-fil-A to come because they thought they were supposed to be homophobic, anti-LGBT, spreading hate and fear of gay people wherever they went.

“When we heard how homophobic Chick-fil-A was, we thought it was a perfect fit,” said King Salman. “But they ran their restaurant for a solid three months here and never once did they stone a gay person, throw a gay person off a roof, or even use anti-LGBT slurs against them.”

“In fact, all they would ever say was ‘My pleasure!'” he said, clearly exasperated. “It was infuriating.”

The last straw came when anti-Chick-fil-A protesters arrived in the city to protest Chick-fil-A. Gay people were seen kissing each other and chanting gay slogans outside the restaurant. But Chick-fil-A didn’t shoot them, imprison them, or torture them. They simply went out front and offered them free chicken sandwiches.

“Chick-fil-A does not adequately reflect the anti-LGBT values we hold dear in Saudi Arabia,” Salman said. “They are canceled.”

About On the North River

Forty years toiled in the Tel-com industry, married for 36 years widowed at sixty-one. New girlfriend at sixty-five. Tea Party supporter. Today a follower of the God-Emperor Donald. Do like to kayak, cook, take photos, bike, watch old movies and read.
This entry was posted in All the News not fit to print., satire, Tongue in Cheek. Bookmark the permalink.

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