On the North River

Saudi Arabia Closes Down New Chick-Fil-A Location For Disappointing Lack Of Homophobia

RIYADH—Chick-fil-A executives were delighted when Riyadh development authorities invited the restaurant to open a new location in the city. They love serving delicious chicken sandwiches and spreading Chick-fil-A cheer wherever they’re invited, even if they disagree with the worldviews, religions, and lifestyles of certain areas.

Unknown to them, however, Saudi Arabia only asked Chick-fil-A to come because they thought they were supposed to be homophobic, anti-LGBT, spreading hate and fear of gay people wherever they went.

“When we heard how homophobic Chick-fil-A was, we thought it was a perfect fit,” said King Salman. “But they ran their restaurant for a solid three months here and never once did they stone a gay person, throw a gay person off a roof, or even use anti-LGBT slurs against them.”

“In fact, all they would ever say was ‘My pleasure!'” he said, clearly exasperated. “It was infuriating.”

The last straw came when anti-Chick-fil-A protesters arrived in the city to protest Chick-fil-A. Gay people were seen kissing each other and chanting gay slogans outside the restaurant. But Chick-fil-A didn’t shoot them, imprison them, or torture them. They simply went out front and offered them free chicken sandwiches.

“Chick-fil-A does not adequately reflect the anti-LGBT values we hold dear in Saudi Arabia,” Salman said. “They are canceled.”