DAY 1 of HOME SCHOOLING
0800 Opened school website to get assignments.
0900 Found where assignments were hidden on the website.
0915 Called school to have the website explained.
0930 Called school again.
0945 Had wife call school
1030 Started printing first assignment
1031 Ran out of printer ink
1035 Sent wife to buy more ink while I watched YouTube to learn how to do common core.
1039 Had first cocktail
1100 Googling who the idiot was that came up with common core.
1102 2nd cocktail.
1115 Called school to see if the virus was still an issue and if so, could I sign a waiver for my kids.
1116 School asked me not to call back.
1120 Realized my wife wasn’t home yet. Called her to find out if she was having a difficult time finding the right ink. Pretty sure, I heard someone in the background yell her name followed with “Venti vanilla latte!” Right before she hung up on me.
1130 Started 1st assignment.
1145 lunch break.
1230 Restarted first assignment.
1235 Read 3 chapters to help answer 2 questions.
1240 Figured I’m either being played or the kids have been falsifying their report cards.
1245 Practicing disguising my voice so I can call the school again.
1300 Didn’t work.
1315 Scraping “My kid is a TERRIFIC student” sticker off of all vehicles.
1400 Beginning to think wife isn’t coming home.
1415 Decided to have an early release day.
1430 Walked to town in hope of catching virus and being quarantined.
1600 Arrested for egging school and drinking in public.
1615 Released and given a ride home to maximize punishment.
1800 Wife gets home. Couldn’t find ink. Pretty sure her hair and nails are done.
2200 Working on an excuse to get out of school tomorrow.