On the North River

From the increasingly depraved Ace.

If Santa answered his mail honestly.

Deer Santa,

I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I’v ben a gud boy
all yeer. Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You’re on your way to a career in lawn care. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I’m giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell. Santa

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Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn’t they? Santa

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Dear Santa,
I don’t know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I’d like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad’s banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he’s gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It’s time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead. Santa

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Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid “Francis” nowadays? I bet you’re gay. I’ll set you up with a Barbie. Santa

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Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch. Santa
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Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa
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Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we’re sleeping, do you really know when we’re awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I’m skipping your house. Santa

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Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE,
PLEASE could I have one? Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn’t work with me. You’re getting a sweater again. Santa

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Dearest Santa,
We don’t have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home? Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First stop calling yourself “Marky”, that’s why you’re getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don’t live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams, Santa

Now, unfortunately some Covid politics…

Politicians “instilling confidence” by taking Covid vaccine are just instilling further hatred of our ruling class
[Buck Throckmorton]  (excerpted )

Politicians getting Covid vaccinations to “instill confidence” is shaping up to be an epic face plant, making our loathsome rulers somehow look even more out of touch with the country they are aggressively destroying, all in the name of saving us from the Wuhan Flu…

…passion and anger they feel toward politicians and elites jumping the line ahead of front-line healthcare workers and seniors is the most intense anti-politician hostility I can recall in a long time. These are polite people who don’t discuss politics. They are livid. …

…Who would you rather have unable to work because he is stricken by Wuhan Flu? A front-line health care worker or a member of Congress?

Retiring Congresswoman Tulsi Gabbard of Hawaii has sided with the American people over Congress and our ruling class. Good for her.

“Heartless, arrogant, unelected CDC bureaucrats have decided the lives of elderly just don’t count…that members of Congress like me — that we can get the vaccine before at-risk seniors can.”

“I planned to take the vaccine but will now stand in solidarity with our seniors by not doing so until they can. I urge my colleagues in Congress who are under the age of 65 and healthy to join me.”

Senator Rand Paul has also sided with the American people.

“I was asked about getting vaccinated with others in Congress: It is inappropriate for me — who has already gotten the virus/has immunity — to get in front of elderly/healthcare workers. Same goes for AOC or any young healthy person. They should be among last, not first.”

Shame on our politicians who have jumped the line to get vaccinated before front line workers.

The Importance of Cats

If you want to concentrate deeply on some problem, and especially some piece of writing or paper-work, you should acquire a cat. Alone with the cat in the room where you work … the cat will invariably get up on your desk and settle placidly under the desk lamp. The light from a desk lamp … gives a cat great satisfaction. The cat will settle down and be serene, with a serenity that passes all understanding. And the tranquility of the cat will gradually come to affect you, sitting there at your desk, so that all the excitable qualities that impede your concentration compose themselves and give your mind back the self-command it has lost. You need not watch the cat all the time. Its presence alone is enough. The effect of a cat on your concentration is remarkable, very mysterious. Muriel Spark in this wonderful passage from A Far Cry from Kensington

That’s all for now, Merry Christmas to all and a happy holidays to none.