Gillette Now Including Free Manly Side Bag With Every Purchase

BOSTON, MA—As part of its new ad campaign designed to target a new, more sensitive American male, Gillette announced Tuesday that the company will be giving out a free manly pink side bag with every purchase while supplies last.

The bag will reportedly contain a copy of The Feminine Mystique and instructions on how to treat any toxic masculinity you may have come down with. To get the free bag, you must spend at least $20 on a Gillette razor or other hygienic product and mail in your man card to the company.

“We want to appeal to the modern man,” Gillette spokesperson Beau Petite said. “So we’re offering this extremely manly, attractive side bag for a limited time if you buy one of our really manly razor products.” Petite said the side bags have many great uses. “You can store a little concealer or blush for an afternoon touch-up, your coin purse, a pair of spherical objects. Whatever you want.”

Gillette’s promotion reportedly launched with a whimper, as few men wanted the “manly side bags” for some reason. The company has said it is regrouping and considering offering a free man bun hair tie with every purchase instead.

Reported by, of course…

About On the North River

Forty years toiled in the Tel-com industry, married for 36 years widowed at sixty-one. New girlfriend at sixty-five. Was a Tea Party supporter. Today a follower of the Last American President to be honestly elected, Donald J. Trump.
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