Doug: Old Phantom Pilot

The Old Piano Player

A gray-headed old man shuffled into a downtown bar holding his head up high.
His hands shook as he took the “Piano Player Wanted” sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.
“I’d like to apply for the job,” he said.
“I was a Navy F-4 pilot off the USS Coral Sea.
I played the piano for the  Officers’ Club happy hours while in port, so here I am.
I’m the right guy for you!”
The barkeep/owner wasn’t too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player.
Business had been falling off.
So, why not give him a try?
The old pilot shuffled his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered.
By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced.
What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before.
When he finished there wasn’t a dry eye in the place.
The bartender took the old Navy pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played.
It’s called “Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I’m Going Balls to the Wall for You,” he said.
After a long pull from the beer, leaving it empty, he said, “It is one of dozens of songs that I wrote, myself.”

The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player just went on into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragtime that had the place jumping.
After he finished, the F-4 pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second offered mug, and told the crowd the last song was called, “Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Light Up.”
He then launched into another mesmerizing song and everyone in the room was enthralled.
He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song, “Spread ’em Baby, It’s Foggy Out Tonight and I Need To See The Center-line.”
He excused himself and headed for the john.
When he came out the bartender went over to him and said, “Hey, Fly-boy, the job is yours; but do you know your fly is open and your pecker is sticking out?”

“Know it?” the old fighter pilot replied, “Hell, I wrote it!”

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