CÜCK – The New Furniture Assembly Service From IKEA
PATRICK COYNE
A Message from Our CEO:
Hallå, IKEA customers and shareholders —
IKEA furniture assembly is the 4th most-cited reason for divorce in the United States. Research shows that when couples assemble IKEA furniture, the husband’s shortcomings as a man are inevitably exposed. This causes him to lash out. But is a screaming match and hurt feelings unavoidable? Instead, what if American women could substitute the clumsy impotent rage of their husbands with the knowledgeable touch of a Swedish man?
Introducing CÜCK — a new furniture assembly service from IKEA.
IKEA, Inc. has built a nationwide team of over 900 young, vigorous, and blonde Swedish men to satisfy the furniture needs of America’s wives. Whether your husband fails to construct a MALM, FJELLSE, or even a FLURG, you can rest easy knowing there’s a Swede one phone call away who can give you what you want.
On the North River 
REALLY!!!!!!
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No, not really.
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