Housewives of America, Rejoice!

CÜCK – The New Furniture Assembly Service From IKEA

A Message from Our CEO:

Hallå, IKEA customers and shareholders —

IKEA furniture assembly is the 4th most-cited reason for divorce in the United States. Research shows that when couples assemble IKEA furniture, the husband’s shortcomings as a man are inevitably exposed. This causes him to lash out. But is a screaming match and hurt feelings unavoidable? Instead, what if American women could substitute the clumsy impotent rage of their husbands with the knowledgeable touch of a Swedish man?

Introducing CÜCK — a new furniture assembly service from IKEA.

IKEA, Inc. has built a nationwide team of over 900 young, vigorous, and blonde Swedish men to satisfy the furniture needs of America’s wives. Whether your husband fails to construct a MALM, FJELLSE, or even a FLURG, you can rest easy knowing there’s a Swede one phone call away who can give you what you want.

Read the rest…


About On the North River

Forty years toiled in the Tel-com industry, married for 36 years widowed at sixty-one. New girlfriend at sixty-five. Tea Party supporter. Today a follower of the God-Emperor Donald. Do like to kayak, cook, take photos, bike, watch old movies and read.
This entry was posted in All the News not fit to print., Blogbits, Tongue in Cheek. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Housewives of America, Rejoice!

  1. Doug says:


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