Halloween Science (from the American Council on Science and Health) Spoilers!

Why Zombies Have Great Teeth – Fluoride

One just has to be able to accept certain scientific liberties to be a fan of AMC’s “The Walking Dead.” But, it is well worth suspension of disbelief, since it’s easily the most entertaining hour on television.

But, sometimes the liberties are especially tough to swallow. For example, I have always wondered why the uninfected characters who routinely covered with zombie blood and guts, which routinely run down into their mouths, *and* into open wounds, never catch the virus that started the apocalypse. One character actually stuck his hand in the mouth of one of the things that was trying to bite him and ripped its head off. *That* was OK, yet, had he had been bitten on a cuticle during this attempt, he would have turned into one of them. It’s a bit of a stretch.

Then, there is there matter of blood flow. One of the show’s all time favorite characters, Hershel, was bitten on the leg a couple of seasons ago, yet survived because the group amputated his leg. The amputation took about five minutes, however, it takes just one minute for blood to circulate throughout your entire body. So, does someone wanna tell me how he didn’t get infected? Either way, Hershel’s luck ran out later:

But, perhaps, the most implausible thing about the series is the teeth. These things have incredible teeth:

  1. With one bite, any zombie (a.k.a. Walker) can tear off about 30 percent of a body. Bet you can’t do that.
  2. They all have full sets of teeth.
  3. The teeth are so straight that they one could easily mistake a gathering of the Walkers with a black-tie East Hampton Memorial Day party. With a slight difference in table manners (although, I won’t say in which direction).

How can we explain the teeth? It can’t simply be high calcium intake. The following experiment demonstrates this:

Anyone who has watched the show knows that if you hit a Walker in the head with *anything*— a hammer, knife, or Q-Tip—that the skull will collapse like a soufflé.

If calcium intake was responsible for the strength of teeth, then the skull would be expected to be strong as well. Obviously, this is false.

So what gives? I can find no alternative explanation to superb dental care.

Can it be fluoride in the water?

Unlikely, since according to Joe Mercola’s always-reliable site, fluoride is so dangerous that it alone could have been responsible for the Apocalypse, rather than a pathogen: “Another key factor ignored by the HHS is that fluoride is an endocrine disruptor—a finding reported for the first time in the NRC’s 2006 report. Endocrine disruptors have the potential to disrupt the biology of both humans and animals.”

Nope—the Walkers must simply take *very* good care of their teeth. Who knew how important flossing could be?

Fortunately, Mercola has a product for everything: (Only $34.99 with FREE SHIPPING!)

Did the combination of fluoride in the water plus Mercola’s overpriced string cause the end of the world in “The Walking Dead”? Certainly thought provoking.

This is potentially very good news for Mercola. You better believe that once the zombie apocalypse hits, news about his flesh-chomping aid will go viral (boo).  But, this is not such good news for Dr. Oz. His calcium supplements will NOT keep skulls from being crushed by a Mallomar.

Nonetheless, we wish him and you a happy Mallo-Ween.

John: The skulls of the Walking Dead crush easily for the same reason that vampires on ‘Buffy, The Vampire Slayer’ the vamps ‘dusted’ after being killed.

It makes it more dramatic as well as making it easier for the writers; imagine if a high school girl had to find a way to transport and dispose of five or six staked vamps every night and the exciting scenes of fighting off hordes of  the Dead and escaping wouldn’t work if the hero (once his gun is empty) had to haul out a chisel and hammer and after knocking his target to the ground (one at a time) have to sit on it and crack the skull.

Scenes of lines of The Dead patiently waiting for their turn to be destroyed on camera wouldn’t have the same ‘bite’.


About On the North River

Forty years toiled in the Tel-com industry, married for 36 years widowed at sixty-one. New girlfriend at sixty-five. Tea Party supporter. Today a follower of the God-Emperor Donald. Do like to kayak, cook, take photos, bike, watch old movies and read.
This entry was posted in All the News not fit to print., Movies, News and opinion, Tongue in Cheek. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply but please keep it polite.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s