A local cafe (Hog’s Breath) has a sign painted on the window saying:
Unattended children will be given a shot of espresso and
told that their mother has promised them a puppy.
A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Southwest Airlines
from Kansas City to Chicago. The son (who had been looking out the
window) turned to his mother and asked, “If dogs have baby dogs and cats
have baby cats, why don’t planes have baby planes?”
The mother (who couldn’t think of an answer) told her son to ask the
flight attendant. So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, “If
dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don’t planes have baby
The flight attendant responded, “Did your mother tell you to ask me
that?” The little boy admitted that she did.
“Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because
Southwest always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that.
Jesus loves you
Everyone else thinks you drive like a jerk
CALCULUS AND ALCOHOL DON’T MIX: NEVER DRINK AND DERIVE!
“STOP GLOBAL WHINING”
“Hang up and Drive!”
DRIVER CARRIES LESS THAN $20 WORTH OF AMMUNITION
Nerd one, printed in red:
“If this is blue, you’re driving too fast.”
Will someone please give Obama a blowjob so we can impeach him?
I want to die in my sleep, like my Grandfather.
Not screaming and yelling like his passengers.
“Except for ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism, and Communism WAR has never solved anything.”
I wish Hillary had married OJ!
“Knowledge is Power
“I’m not fat, I’m carbon sequestering.”
GOD IS DEAD (1882)- NIETZSCHE
NIETZSCHE IS DEAD (1900) – GOD
Happiness is the planet Earth in your rear-view mirror.”
If God does not destroy San Francisco and Los Angeles, He owes Sodom and Gomorrah a real apology.
“You’re Pro-Choice and
Your Child Will Never Vote”
‘”This year will go down in history. For the first time, a civilized nation has full gun registration. Our streets will be safer, our police more efficient, and the world will follow our lead into the future.” –Adolph Hitler, 1935’
LONDON — After months of serious study and much merriment, 100,000 people have voted on the world’s funniest joke.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping, and
pitch their tent under the stars. During the night, Holmes
wakes his companion and says: ‘Watson, look up at the
stars, and tell me what you deduce.’
Watson says: ‘I see millions of stars, and even if a few of
those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like
Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there
might also be life.’
Holmes replies: ‘Watson, you idiot. Somebody stole our tent’.