I was feeling low and depressed and a person came by and said to me, “Cheer up, it could be worse.” After I thought about it I decided they were right, so I cheered up…and sure enough it got worse.
1 – I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 – Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.
3 – Half the people you know are below average.
4 – 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 – 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 – A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 – A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 – If you want the rainbow, you’ve got to put up with the rain.
9 – All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 – The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 – I almost had a psychic girlfriend… But she left me before we met.
12 – OK, so what’s the speed of dark?
13 – How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?
14 – If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 – Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 – When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
17 – Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 – Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 – I intend to live forever… So far, so good.
20 – If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 – Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines.
22 – What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
23 – My mechanic told me, “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
24 – Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
25 – If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 – A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 – Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
28 – The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 – To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
30 – The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 – The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
32 – The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 – Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don’t have film.
And an all time favorite-
34 – If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
H/T Pete H
Ever curious about how much a good embalmer or pole dancing instructor makes?…..by Michael Haltman at The Political Commentator
And as an aside, for an embalmer what exactly constitutes being “good”?
That could be a very difficult metric to quantify and measure because truth be told, and no disrespect intended, does anyone really go back later and check their work?
On the heels of the very disappointing April jobs report released by the BLS I thought it would be interesting to look at some jobs that are slightly out of the mainstream.
And while embalming or other funeral home work is a good and steady because as we know people are just dying to get in, it certainly cannot be considered mainstream.
Neither can septic tank supervisor, a profession some might consider to be a sh***y way to make a living or teaching proper pole dancing technique which is not a job for just any body!
But in a job market where the competition for getting hired is fierce, the thing for applicants to do may be to look for the job that’s off of everyone else’s radar and put it onto your own.
Read about some of these jobs at The Political Commentator here.
Video from Maggies…
I saw, I loved it… next week my mother wants me to take her to see it.
|May 4-6, 2012
Actuals to be reported Monday afternoon.
|<<Last Weekend <Last Year||View Index: By Year | By Weekend|
It’s a sad fact of comic fandom that the pioneers who created the most beloved characters often were compensated to such a small degree for their work for hire that in their later lives, they need financial assistance.
That’s where the Hero Initiative comes in.