I stole this…

NONTRANSFERABLE NON-SKILLS

The writers who created the race-over-quality crap that’s bankrupting the studios now want the cash-strapped studios to pay more for the very content that made them cash-strapped in the first place.

Last week Deadline reported that the studios have decided to break the writers. Starve ’em. There’ll be no negotiations until Halloween, because by then the writers will be broke after six months of unemployment. The studios will then say, “Winter’s coming…still wanna play hardball?”

So now, in an effort to subvert that strategy, writers are looking for work—any work—to keep money in their pockets. Problem is, the real world has little use for their “particular set of skills.”

Lumber Yard Manager: “Damn, this new shipment of Hemlock’s got ring shake. Hey, new guy—any ideas?”

Writer: “Let’s have a black woman walk through the lumberyard looking noble. She’ll stare straight ahead with the dignity of a thousand queens. From her very soul she fights passionately for justice. Is she perfect? No. Sometimes she cares too much.”

Manager: “You’re fired.”

IHOP Manager: “Hey, idiot, that’s the fifth order you’ve botched. Didn’t you watch the training video?”

Writer: “Yes, and I rewrote it to star a transgender Ghanaian in the lead.”

Manager: “Christ, I shoulda hired a Mexican.”

Museum Owner: “Hey, night janitor…you Sharpied the faces in the paintings black!”

Writer: “Yep! Now the museum’s diverse.”

Owner: “Those were Rembrandts; we’re ruined!”

Writer: “Gimme a raise.”