I can’t get to work today, my shoes won’t start.

Nike users are experiencing some technical difficulties in the wild world of connected footwear. Nike’s $350 “Adapt BB” sneakers are the latest in the company’s line of self-lacing shoes, and they come with the “Nike Adapt” app for Android and iOS. The app pairs with the shoes and lets you adjust the tightness of the laces, customize the lights (yeah, there are lights), and see, uh, how much battery life your shoes have left. The only problem: Nike’s Android app doesn’t work.

Android users report that their new kicks aren’t pairing with the app properly, and some customers report failed firmware updates for the shoes, which render them unable to pair with the app at all. Nike’s app on Google Play has been flooded with 1-star reviews in response to the faulty update.

I checked, I thought this might be another brilliant satire by The Babylon Bee,  but it is real.

God Help Us!