English satire, Biggest WWII warrior and Sacrilege!

Greeks apologise with huge horse

15-05-12

THE nation of Greece said sorry to the European Union with a present of an enormous wooden horse.

In theory these would still fit

Left outside the European Central Bank in the dead of night, the horse has now been moved into the ECB’s central lobby where it is proudly on display.

A gift tag attached to the horse, which is surprisingly light for its size and has small holes along the length of its body, suggested that it should be placed in the bank’s vaults overnight to avoid it being targeted by thieves.

Mario Draghi, President of the ECB, said: “How nice of the Greeks to acknowledge the trouble we’ve been put to on their behalf with this wonderful horse, handmade and so large it could hold a dozen double-decker buses.

“The card with it, which had a teddy bear dressed as a hobo on the front, explained that Greece made us this because they don’t have enough money for a present, which brought a tear to my eye.

“Nonetheless, unless they can somehow find €200 billion overnight then austerity measures must continue.”

Oddly, Greek representatives in Brussels have hinted that they may soon be in a position to settle their debts and have puzzled the French and German banks that hold their loans by asking if there is any discount for cash.

The government of Spain has reacted angrily to the gift, accusing the Greeks of trying to bribe the ECB and redoubling their own efforts to weave a gigantic sombrero-wearing straw donkey.

France surrenders to Thor

16-05-12

PRESIDENT Francois Hollande has confirmed France’s unconditional surrender to the Norse god of thunder.

His mighty hammer smashes baguettes

After the newly-elected premier’s plane was struck by lightning, an interim government consisting of clouds was proposed by Hollande in a bid to appease France’s sky-based overlord.

Hollande said: “We will have the list of buildings known to have lightning conductors ready for our new leader as soon as possible and will, of course, be dismantling the Eiffel tower.

“I’m heading for Asgard in a wooden vehicle with a ceremonial hammer to hand over the reins of power just as soon as we’ve established where it is. I hope the suggestion it’s near Iceland proves to be incorrect as I don’t fancy making the trip by longboat.”

This will be the first time France has been under the rule of a mythical figure since 1881 when President Jules Grévy fell ill after eating some chocolate and immediately surrendered to the Easter Bunny in a period known as the Floppy-Eared Republic.

Austerity measures put in place by President Sarkozy will be drastically altered by the new Norse rule, with the building of feasting halls in every town and a new national sport of cutting the braids of wenches with a throwing axe.

Productivity may also be affected as every day in the calendar is changed to Thors-day, meaning workers will permanently feel it is nearly the weekend and time to start winding down a bit.

Hollande added: “We have all seen the terrible foreign policy proposed by Loki in Avengers Assemble so the protection of Thor is very much in the interests of France. During our first meeting I will also be looking into the possibility that Hulk smash puny Merkel.”

Resurrecting The Mighty Mo for Battleship

From Wikipedia:

On 14 October 2009, Missouri was moved from her berthing station on Battleship Row to a drydock at the Pearl Harbor Naval Shipyard to undergo a three month overhaul. … The repairs were completed the first week of January 2010 and the ship was returned to her berthing station on Battleship Row on 7 January 2010. The ship’s grand reopening occurred on 30 January.[39]

During that time footage was shot of the USS Missouri under tow for the movie “Battleship”.  The movie opens tomorrow, May 18th, and frankly the reviews have not been good. But the movie reminds me of another film with modern military hardware placed alongside WWII icons, “The Final Countdown”.  In that 80’s SciFi/Action flick the modern nuclear carrier “Nimitz” is sent back to 1941. The highlight of that movie is an aerial dogfight between a F-14 Tomcat and a Japanese Zero. The writing and acting for that effort, (to be kind), won no awards. But I saw that movie, many times, because it was fun. I suspect the same may be true of “Battleship”.

Director and cast of movie “Battleship”. The star of the film seen to the rear.

In related news, one of the 16″ heavy guns (120 tons) forged for the IOWA class battleships was transported to Delaware to be placed in a memorial park.

Can you hear Richard Dreyfus’s voice yelling, “Stand up front. I need something in the picture for scale!”

So that’s where those photos came from!

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About On the North River

Forty years toiled in the Tel-com industry, married for 36 years widowed at sixty-one. Tea Party supporter. Do like to kayak, cook, take photos, bike, watch old movies and read.
This entry was posted in 2012, Blogbits, Foreign Newspapers, Jokes, Military, News and opinion, War and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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